1- Tag the person who nominated you.
2- Take “The Awesome Impact Award” Picture and add that in your post.
3-Talk about the incident that impacted your life in a very positive way.
4- Nominate 10 other awesome bloggers for this award.
Hey you guys,
1- Tag the person who nominated you:-
I am very thankful and highly appreciating “Innervoiceactor by Muneeta for nominating me for “The Awesome Impact Award”. It is very kind of her!
Munieeta’s stories are very heart-touching and soul-melting. You have got to check out her blog for those inner voices that we all need to hear. Here is the link to her blog,
3- The incident that impacted your life in a very positive way:-
Hey you guys,
Hmmm, It’s going to be a brainstorming post…How should I start?
Well, let’s start with my personality. People who know me say that I am outgoing, positive very determined, a strong sympathetic person, who always is happy to help others. I grew up with my five brothers and love them to death. I still do. Then my mom added a sixth brother by adopting him. He’s a cute little boy who we all adore.
I never really experienced grief until my grandma died, as she was the best friend for me. But, since I was a pretty young child at that time, I missed her but got back to life quickly. Then my dad passed away in 2007 and it broke me in half. My dad was a great dad and a very good friend. I still cry quite often like a kid when I miss him. I am so glad he got to meet my husband and was able to see me getting married.
Few months after my dad’s death, I moved here to the USA to live with my husband. My heart was still aching and I was crying every day. Then God gave me my first daughter and I got very busy with life. Things started to get better.
After Zahra, my husband and I decided we would like to have at least 2 more children. Zahra was three when I gave birth to her sister, Zoha, who has Down syndrome.
When I found out during my pregnancy that my second daughter was diagnosed with Down Syndrome, that complex word pulled me apart. I felt like my world was upside down. I was thinking a bigger disaster is going to happen in my life. I totally changed. I lost the positivity in me, I lost interest in everything. I was questioning God. “Why, why would you do that to me? I never ever thought of harming anyone ever. Then why me?” All I was doing crying and crying some more. But outside nobody could figure out what’s going on with me as I kept it really nicely inside of me. Only my husband knew what I was going through.
Let me backtrack a little… Right before I got pregnant, I was reading one of my old medical books about gene mutation for some reason. I don’t remember why I ever pulled that book out, but that’s what I was reading at that time. While I was reading the book, I read about Trisomies 13, 18, and 21. Since 13 is hard to survive, I kept thinking about 18 mostly about Trisomy 21. I kept thinking about “how do those people take care of their kid?. How they do that and how they do this?” I knew everything about Down Syndrome but I was playing idiot because it was going to be my own child and not any of patient’s. I became hysterical like those kids can’t do anything on earth. I don’t know why.
Sometimes having extra knowledge kills you and that’s what happened to me. On the other hand, my husband, who normally seemed like a careless man was very strong, optimistic, and submissive to God. Before that, I was thinking my husband doesn’t care for things, he takes everything very easy. During this, however, I discovered his personality some more and in depth. He kept telling me “Bushra, just think, we are going to have a beautiful baby. Think of your older daughter how cute is she, just like that we’re gonna have a cute kid. That’s all, who cares if the baby is going to have Down syndrome.” But, I was not thinking that we were gonna have a beautiful baby, all I was thinking about was the complexity that comes with Down syndrome. All those consequences. All those surgeries.
Why I was so superficial? Why I couldn’t enjoy that time just about my beautiful baby? Why all of the sudden I become so harsh to myself?
As a mother of a disabled child with Down syndrome, I would request you, if any of you out there are reading this and are pregnant with this diagnosis, please don’t ruin that time of a beautiful period. That. in fact, changes nothing, not even a single thing.
I spent 4 months before her birth crying, crying to God (Allah in Arabic as Muslims say) for justice without remembering that “He does the best justice on earth. He won’t give you more than you could handle.” Or, “He won’t test you if He doesn’t love you.”
Finally, on one beautiful evening I gave birth to a very cute little girl, and the moment that I looked at her, I just couldn’t remember all that happened to me. I forgot what Down syndrome meant in medical books. All I remembered was that I have a very pretty little girl.
Zoha’s Apgar score was 10/10, as she was one healthy girl. I was about to tell myself that “all is good now,” when a nurse came from the NICU to take her away from me. She took Zoha and left me with pain and all my messy thoughts. I felt like I was in pieces and I could never put myself together. With my broken self all day long I had to meet surgeons who were going to perform 3 different surgeries on Zoha. They were the best surgeons that I would have recommended anyone to them very happily and confidently, but it was my own daughter so I was asking so many annoying questions. I thought I always care for others as I do for my family but apparently, no. That little girl totally changed me.
Zoha lived in NICU for two months. I returned back to work after 6 weeks, but was going to see her every night after finishing up my shift. 2 months later, we brought her home and we put her on a G-tube. I still was thinking that it is going to be very tough and she is not going to be able to do this or that. Now, I sometimes laugh about my ignorance.
Then my mother came here and she took over everything. She started to work with Zoha and started to feed her when I was not home as she knew that I would freak out about this as I had seen Zoha’s swallow study and knew Zoha couldn’t swallow at all. But, the miracle happened, and my mother did it. She was gradually feeding her by mouth, and it took her 4 months to have Zoha drink 1/4th of a bottle of milk. 6 months later, when I took Zoha to the surgeon to have her G-tube removed, he came out and gave my mom thumbs up and said, “Bushra, she did a miracle.”
That’s the moment when I got my lost-self back. It was such a big impact on me that my mother, who is not a degree holder but knows all about how to take care of a child with Down syndrome. I felt like all that time I acted like a loser. I wish time could come back and I would have enjoyed every single moment of those 9 months. But, my husband comforted me by saying that “I am proud of you that you didn’t agree with the genetic counselor who was all about abortion.”
Zoha is 6 years old now and is starting first grade, and loves fashion, books, reading, playing with dolls and hanging out with her family.
Whenever I looked at Zoha, I tell myself God must have loved me. I say “Zoha, you are the passport to heaven for us. God thought, just go ahead and take care of that sweet little girl and you are getting heaven as a reward.
My word to you is “Never give up, and always stay positive no matter what the situation is because only God knows best.